North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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