when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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