You did not just play the dead husband card again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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