NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
