Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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