Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
