i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
