You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
