We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
