the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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