i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
