put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
