Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
