toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
