Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
