Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize