you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She bit a glass in half.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
