I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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