Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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