he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize