just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sorry my hands just texted you
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
