Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
