I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
