I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
