If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
