Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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