It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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