Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
