In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We had to coat check the pizza.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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