Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
