I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
