sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
