Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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