I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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