Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
