...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize