At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
