I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
