Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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