she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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