she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
