2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
