If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
