Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So vagazzling was a success
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