guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
