So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His hands were made for my vagina.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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