I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
