woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize