I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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