oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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