my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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