How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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