Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
