when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there's paper in my vomit.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
