...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
