i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
