hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
