But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
BRING THE BAGELS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
