I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
