Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
