i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
