you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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