My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
