Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
