I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The ass gains better be worth it
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