The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
