I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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