u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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