Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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