He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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